once upon a life....

today just seems...so hard....as have all the days since the man seemingly wrote me out of his life.... I'm lonely...I miss my best friend...my life.... There is a most appropriate song in my life...played at my father's service when he passed away... the lyrics are heart-wrenching and true for my life as well... especially the riff about being drunk for over two weeks....because I cannot get my mind straight or my heart straight and everything just seems so damned numb.....I don't want to remember any of this.... so I'll stay in my realm of neuro-incapacitation until I can find a boat in this vast ocean of cold, dark, loneliness to climb into...rather than just floating with my face upward only to breathe. somebody hold me and tell me it will all get better...... Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call, Wanted to sail upon your waters since I was three feet tall. You've seen it all, you've seen it all. Watch the men who rode you, Switch from s...

I need some time to heal, he said….. I’ve lost my best friend and now my head is spinning….my mind is numb….I am completely lost…. I’ve spent the last five years doing everything I could to make this man happy…because ultimately that is what makes me happy…I’m a pleaser….I’m not happy unless I know I can do something worthwhile for someone else. I miss his silly laugh. I miss his voice of reasoning coming at me every time I complained about something not going my way. I miss his squeezing hugs. I miss his eyes…changing color with his moods…. I miss making passionate love to the only person I have ever been so physically compatible with… I miss his kiss….I miss his bites on my neck, cause he knows that makes me drop to my knees. I miss how he just never stops….always working…helping others…no matter what time or what the reason…he’s up and gone when the tone sounds…and to return to me…waiting for him. I miss doing his laundry for him when he was away or busy…because it gave ...