He said.....
I’ve lost my best friend and now my head is spinning….my
mind is numb….I am completely lost….
I’ve spent the last five years doing everything I could to
make this man happy…because ultimately that is what makes me happy…I’m a
pleaser….I’m not happy unless I know I can do something worthwhile for someone
else. I miss his silly laugh. I miss his voice of reasoning coming at me every
time I complained about something not going my way. I miss his squeezing hugs.
I miss his eyes…changing color with his moods…. I miss making passionate love
to the only person I have ever been so physically compatible with… I miss his
kiss….I miss his bites on my neck, cause he knows that makes me drop to my
knees. I miss how he just never stops….always working…helping others…no matter
what time or what the reason…he’s up and gone when the tone sounds…and to
return to me…waiting for him. I miss doing his laundry for him when he was away
or busy…because it gave me a chance to smell him on his clothes…Inhale his
scent and let it overwhelm me and make me so happy that I was able to do
something to help. I miss cleaning his house for him…again, because it was
something I knew would help him and make him happy…and because it was the only
house I ever enjoyed cleaning…mostly because he was so meticulous and kept it
so clean already….it was easy. I miss doing work for him at the fire dept we
volunteer at…I knew I could help there and almost thought it was a kind of job
security when it came to our relationship, as I really enjoyed putting my
creativity and knowledge into everything I did there, and also that he let me…he
knew what I liked to do. I miss his phone calls daily to see what was for
dinner….because of all the things that was the one time of the day that was “ours”.
My mom always told me the way to a man’s heart was through his belly…. And after
learning his peculiar eating habits, I still loved him…and didn’t second guess
his reasons…ever.
Now I am lost without any of this. No more passion. No more
phone calls. No more helping him out. No more staring at him for no reason at
all.
I’ve lost this because I was greedy and wanted more. I want
to marry this man. I sure thought that with all the things we did together and
for each other that he would want this too. I thought for sure that as much as
I loved this man and as much as I gave him…that I wanted to give him… that he
would see I was the perfect person for him to spend the rest of his life with…and
that he would want the same thing… to spend the rest of his life with me…we
were such a good couple together…I just cannot understand why he would not want
me in his life. I have done everything I can think of to make him happy…. and
still I fail.
He said we were the perfect team……
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