WELL, WELL, WELL.....
I've had a procedure done to sterilize myself. No. I do not want any more kids. I have the one perfect one and that's all. So in order to do this procedure, I needed to take hormone pills. This was NOT a good idea. So I took the pills, got totally damned crazy in the head...started almost pre-menopause type feelings...hot flashes...very blatant mood swings....unstoppable crying....a total basket case. Then came the procedure...which was a piece of cake really. Then, because the procedure cannot be "totally effective" for 3 months, they offer the depo shot. A three month birth control shot. Oh, that's great I thought. That will work out perfectly. hah! again.....it's filled with those fuckin' demon hormones and I am now smack dab in the middle of the three month craziness ....and I swear.....this sucks. RAWWRRRRR.
My mother says that the shot and hormones shouldn't be any worse than the birth control pills I was on for many years...but OH...it IS. So mother says...you need to get tested for menopause. The boyfriend says I should go to a shrink. hahahha. fuck you. fuck everyone for that matter.
AND ...to make it all just even better....Things with the man aren't going so well. I feel like it's all so pretentious and if I didn't think he was half the anchor holding me together right now I'd be gone...well I say that. but I'm stuck. He's all I know and love. But I don't think he feels the same way...or ever will. Even after fighting to get him back...finally did...he claims to love me, but still hides me from his fucking mother. Grow a pair of balls dude.
Or maybe I should grow a pair? ha.
I have fucked myself financially and now have no idea what to do.
How old is too old to run away. I'm so totally done with this life. If I didn't have my princess, I'd be gone.
No one else cares. I feel like such a damned hindrance to everyone. I have absolutely NO friends anymore. The one I had is too busy for me and the other one I had to get rid of due to the man's orders....which were completely viable, but still...that's one less person I can talk to...which now makes zero.
dammit.
I have even started trying to get a penpal. Maybe someone who doesn't know me will want to talk to me. Probably only once though.
Going to the doc tomorrow morning ....hopefully get some not so crazy meds.
Wish me luck..cause I damned sure need it.
I certainly thought that when things came back together, that the pieces would fit where they needed to. Well...that is definitely not how it works.
So...I have lost my mind it seems.I've had a procedure done to sterilize myself. No. I do not want any more kids. I have the one perfect one and that's all. So in order to do this procedure, I needed to take hormone pills. This was NOT a good idea. So I took the pills, got totally damned crazy in the head...started almost pre-menopause type feelings...hot flashes...very blatant mood swings....unstoppable crying....a total basket case. Then came the procedure...which was a piece of cake really. Then, because the procedure cannot be "totally effective" for 3 months, they offer the depo shot. A three month birth control shot. Oh, that's great I thought. That will work out perfectly. hah! again.....it's filled with those fuckin' demon hormones and I am now smack dab in the middle of the three month craziness ....and I swear.....this sucks. RAWWRRRRR. My mother says that the shot and hormones shouldn't be any worse than the birth control pills I was on for many years...but OH...it IS. So mother says...you need to get tested for menopause. The boyfriend says I should go to a shrink. hahahha. fuck you. fuck everyone for that matter.
AND ...to make it all just even better....Things with the man aren't going so well. I feel like it's all so pretentious and if I didn't think he was half the anchor holding me together right now I'd be gone...well I say that. but I'm stuck. He's all I know and love. But I don't think he feels the same way...or ever will. Even after fighting to get him back...finally did...he claims to love me, but still hides me from his fucking mother. Grow a pair of balls dude.
Or maybe I should grow a pair? ha.
I have fucked myself financially and now have no idea what to do.
How old is too old to run away. I'm so totally done with this life. If I didn't have my princess, I'd be gone.
No one else cares. I feel like such a damned hindrance to everyone. I have absolutely NO friends anymore. The one I had is too busy for me and the other one I had to get rid of due to the man's orders....which were completely viable, but still...that's one less person I can talk to...which now makes zero.
dammit.
I have even started trying to get a penpal. Maybe someone who doesn't know me will want to talk to me. Probably only once though.
Going to the doc tomorrow morning ....hopefully get some not so crazy meds.
Wish me luck..cause I damned sure need it.
.jpg)
Comments
Post a Comment